Is it wrong of me to be disappointed?
Yes..probably.
No.. it's definitely not ok to be disappointed.
I just get so sick of the expectations where the actions always fall short. It's wrong of me to want this, its selfish, but I can't help it. I try really hard, but it doesn't work. And the expectations are my fault too. Buuuut how do I get past it?
On another, possibly different, note, I've thought some things over in the past..some still relevant, some not..and I wrote it down. So I thought I'd add it here.
What happened to make
the people you trusted, ones you'll never confide in again
the ones you saw everyday, people you hardly know anymore
Where did the time go?
Where did the general conscience go?
How did the ones you thought would have your back, become the people who'd rather save themselves?
How did the things you were so sure about, end up being the things that surprised you the most?
How can the things that seemed so right at the time, turn out so unpredictably, horribly wrong?
And then, when did all of this..disappointment (if you will), turn into blaming the wrong people for other peoples' mistakes?
Its not fair to those who never did anything to deserve that aftershock of your past experiences.
Why do we let it take over and How do we let go..
Hasn't something surrounding these thoughts of blindsided change been the issue at hand for everyone at some time in their lives? Multiple times in their lives?
No matter what, it all surrounds change.
Or, does it also surround faulty expectations?
Believing in something more of any given person than they find themselves capable of.
It's not always about who people change into. It's who they've always held the possibility of becoming..and we just didn't see it.
Were you supposed to know, or just trust they'd change accordingly to who you thought they were?
However, it's also not the constant situation, its the ever-changing one. Which, when you think about it, defines all of them I guess. So that's redundant.
So why do we even bother to expect things, when there is nothing we can possibly anticipate for any sort of elongated period of time due to these (arguably) unforeseeable changes?
Because with expectations can come optimism, which is, when you get right down to it, some philosophers academic explanation for a feeling so simple: Hope.
Nothing is constant. Nothing can stay the same forever. Things can change for better or for worse, but what decides where that change leads?
When does it become too much change to see what it once was? Good, bad, regardless.
How far do you go, how much do you accept, before it's just too much?
And when is it time to walk away?
Relate to this how you want, because it will be different for everyone, and still, it will be different for you by tomorrow probably.
The conflict of change surrounds and affects us all.
However, do not forget that the changes that lead to disappointment or sadness or anger, can also have the exact and equal chance of changing in the opposing way. Surprising in the best of ways.
And, over time, probably will.
The fluctuating circumstance.
Not all things good will stay good.
But also, not all things bad will stay that way either.
Where bad things become worse, good things will become great.
I don't think this enhanced anyone's knowledge in any way. It's mainly senseless rambling with minor additions and subtractions over a month or two. I was just kind of writing. Writing to say something. Writing to relate. Writing so that maybe someone out there who needs it, reads it and will realize that things do not always have to stay this way. Or maybe for someone who needs to see that some things are just out of our control, and there was nothing they could have done. Writing to get words said that will never be spoken. If only because they have no forum to be spoken in.
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