To take every good thing they've been given and just mess it all up beyond repair?
To be the sole cause of destruction to your own happiness?
You're handed it. You know you don't deserve it.
But don't dare to think about why you received this good fortune, out of pure fear of the universe realizing the awful mistake its made and correcting it before you can enjoy what was never rightfully yours to begin with.
So you go along. Trying to fit in places you don't belong. Trying to mold to fill the cracks your luck might seep through and escape from. Trying to be someone better than you've ever been able to be in the past.
..and trying to fool the universe into letting you hold onto this privilege that you never truly earned in the first place.
And you always tell yourself.. 'I'll take anything..anything you're willing to give me I'll take it and be happy and when its gone I'll give it back gratefully and remember how lucky I was to have it.."
but that's never how it works out is it..
You think you can let go. You think it will be easy to set free.. because you were never even meant to reach for it.. much less to hold it in your very own two hands.. so close you can feel the warmth and happiness it radiates.
You think that when the time comes, you will be humbled enough to release this amazing thing..because, although its everything you never even thought you could dream of, it still deserves a better keeper than you.
A place for everything and everything in it's place.
Funny how that means something so different when you're looking up at something from below.
Too selfish to let go. Your sense of vision too blinded by the beauty of this thing you hold to realize it does not belong to you.. no matter what you have convinced yourself of.. no matter what you have mistaken as truth.. it was never yours to claim for good.
How I wish anyone just knows what I am talking about. Not through experience. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. But at least through an opened mind.. that they could see how anyone could feel this way.
And this may seem horrid and depressing, but anyone who tries to deny the truth behind this has never experienced the feeling of watching something special disintegrate right in front of their eyes, caused by their own hand.. and yet, ironically, there is no longer anything they can do to stop it.
People may not have even realized they experienced it, but its everywhere. Real life, movies, tv, writings from ancient times. It's the typical tragedy. Romeo and Juliet. We've all seen its manifestations at one point or another.. But who has really seen it.. who felt along with the characters of such tragedies? Who felt the helplessness.. the defeat.. the utter pain of an inability to act to fix something you have caused.. that you never intended.
But, you see, no matter the turmoil and pain caused by such events, where we receive something that should never have been ours, we are blinded by the beauty of this thing. We love it so dearly, that even once whats done is done.. we can't let go of our feelings for it.. and, thus, our hearts follow it..
"Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath/Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty.
...Thus, with a kiss, I die."
No comments:
Post a Comment